Inside the Secret Journals of Jessica Stanley
by Sophia Spring
Summary: Jessica Stanley is not who everyone thinks she is. Step into her shoes for just a moment. Her life is more complex than you could have imagined.
1. 1st Entry

_**"Inside The Secret Journals of Jessica Stanley" **__**By**__**Sophia Spring**_

**First Entry **

What a beautiful morning! I love Forks on days that the clouds allow the sun to smile upon the earth and today just happens to be one of those days. I'm nearly coming out of my pajamas just writing about it. The sky is as blue as it gets and all the Evergreens are glistening with dew drops shimmering on the tips of their needles from last nights rain. I can literally see all the majestic trees outside my window reaching up towards the sun; welcoming it, just as a small child would reach for their mother or father to be held. I can smell the cleansed earth as the crisp, cool air blows through my window, swirling my hair around my face. There's not a person on this planet that can keep me inside on a day like today. I'll be out there basking in the scrumptious sun light, letting the warm beams soak into my skin, and filter through my eyes just as soon as I make this entry. I'd give anything to be as golden, caramel brown as the Quileute Indians. They're all so beautiful.

Since my hiking supplies are low I'll stop by the Newton's store and buy a few things before I set out on foot towards my favorite babbling creek just outside of town. There's a very small pentagon shaped clearing that I love to sun bath in right next to the creek. The water is probably going to be cold because it's the end of summer break but, it doesn't matter to me. I'll be in that creek bare foot. If I wait any longer I'd have to wear my boots in the water and I don't want to do that. I love how the water feels running across my skin. I'm hoping to find a precious stone like a piece of pyrite or lump of amethyst today to give to daddy for our crystal collection. That will surely brighten his day. Maybe I'll get lucky while I'm at the store and see Mike there. I think I'll ask if he'd like to join me if he's there. That's if his mother will set him free of all his duties. I'll just keep in mind that I'm making this hiking trip alone. Then if Mike doesn't want to join me or his mother won't set him free, I won't be let down. That's the way my mother Jenna would think. I can always use the alone time to gain some clarity. Being in the forest is the best place for me to clear my head. So many things have happened recently and dealing with them has been beyond difficult for me. Writing this down on paper has really brought it all back to the surface. Enough of that!

I can hardly wait to get to the store and see Mike. He's so dreamy. Looking in his eyes is like looking up to the sky on a sunny day like today. It warms my soul. My heart turns into a little girl skipping down the street and my stomach flutters like the wings on a cluster of a million Monarch butterflies. I don't know what I'd do if Mike wasn't apart of my life. No one at school has ever noticed how close we've gotten yet. He's my best friend now and there isn't anything that I can't talk to him about. I have to admit that I'm head over heals for him. I just wish I knew for sure if he felt the same way about me. I know he definitely likes me; as a friend but, he's never made any serious advances towards me that would give me the notion that he feels the same love for me that I feel for him. How could I not feel this way about him? He was the one that was with me when the tragic accident happened. I wish like hell it never occurred but, had it not, Mike and I wouldn't be where we are today in our friendship. I'm not willing to sacrifice what we have with each other. So I _have_ to accept what happened to my daddy as apart of his life's blueprint. I just can't understand why so much suffering has to be involved in order to love and be loved, by anyone! It really pisses me off and it down right SUCKS! I know it's a question that will never be answered for me either. God would literally have to drop down from the Heavens and tell me in person and I don't see that happening any time soon!

I remember when Joe and I used to take these hikes together through the mountains. It was always just daddy and I. Hiking through the mossy fern covered ground, camping outdoors, getting dirty, and watching the cute little chipmunks scatter here and there, has never been my mother's forte. Jenna is the total opposite of Joe and that's ok. I love my mom just the way she is and that is _awesome_. She's always had just one rule for us when it came to our trips; that they _never_ interrupted my school days. Joe and I both agree with her 100%. My education is at the top of my priority list.

Getting out in nature has always been welcoming therapy for Joe and I to work on our father/daughter relationship but, at the same time it was so much more than that. Part of it was that he wanted me to know my way around the forest like I knew the back of my own hand. It was always such a deep fear of my parents' that I'd be one of those infamous fatalities**. "**_**Just one more child, just one more teenager, just one more adult gone missing in the forest of Forks that they'd never find, no matter how large the search party was."**_It's a common thing that happens here. With the forest; comes wild life and the wild life doesn't always stay in the forest. Chief Swan and the Rangers have had several occasions where they've had to tranquilize the bears and move them back to the forest to keep them from destroying the town, homes, and killing our people in it. I'm thankful that Joe was able to teach me what to do in case a bear approached me in the woods and even more glad that he taught me how to mark my territory around our camp sites in order to keep the wild life away. My daddy is way cool like that. It's quite a sight to see us urinating all over the place. I worked on peeing on the ground and Joe worked on peeing on all the greenery and trees. The first time my dad showed me how to do this it was very cold outside. I'd pulled my pants and my panties down around my ankles, scrunched up my coat and shirt and squatted; trying to hold my balance as best as I could and not pee on all the clothing that wrapped my body. As soon as the warm urine hit the ground a massive swell of steam evaporated into the air. I laughed so hard I almost fell over and wet myself when I looked up and saw a stream of smoke flying from in front of my dad as he was taking his leak on a tree. All those years of Chief Swan, Joe, and Billy Black hanging out together paid off. The Quileutes' are so full of knowledge about the earth and how to live on it. I'm thrilled that daddy learned so much from Billy and that he handed the knowledge down to me before it all happened. I miss those days with my dad. I know he'd be joining me right now, but he's not! Now I'm on my own when I hike through the forest of Forks, Washington. Best be getting ready. I'll write again once I get to my destination, if I'm alone. As my mom always says; "_I wish you luck Jess and don't do anything I wouldn't do!"_ It's kind of ridiculous for her to say that to me because then I certainly wouldn't be hiking today.


	2. 2nd Entry

"_**Inside The Secret Journals of Jessica Stanley"**_

_**By: Sophia Spring**_

**Second Entry**

I am exhausted this morning. Even after my hot shower I'm still feeling yesterdays hike. I didn't even feel like hanging out downstairs with my mom for breakfast. I just grabbed a granola bar and a glass of milk and came back up to my room so I could write in my journal. I was unable to make an entry yesterday during my hiking trip so I'm making it this morning. I don't want to forget one single thing from yesterday. The trip turned out to be more than I could have wished for.

When I stopped at the Newton's, I noticed Mike in the back of the store. I didn't make eye contact with him but, I saw out of my peripheral vision that he looked up at me and stared until I was out of his sight. I went about my business collecting the things I needed to sustain me through the day. I was looking for one last item when he came around the corn of the isle I was on and said hi to me. Even though I kept myself in check on the outside, inside I felt a tremendous giddiness. His presence and close proximity to me was very comforting. He asked where I was going, so I told him I was going hiking to my favorite spot in the forest. He knows where that is. We've made the hike there together a couple of times. I could not believe the next thing that came out of his mouth. He said, "Would you like some company today Jess?" Of course I wanted his company and I was sure to let him know that. He was making this so easy for me. I'm glad I started my day out without any expectations. He seemed happy with my response and zipped away. A few seconds later I heard Mike tell his mother he was going to take the day off to go hiking with me and she didn't give him any qualms about it. As I was putting my things by the register Mrs. Newton came around the counter and gave me a hug and asked how my family and I were doing. She was so sweet to me. I told her we were all getting along pretty well considering the circumstances. I couldn't bare to say another word about it, so I paid for my things and went out to my car.

It didn't take Mike long at all to gather what he needed. It was rather odd to me that he had his pack and was out to my car so quickly. I cocked my right eyebrow and gave him a crooked little smile. He said, "What?" "How'd you get your things together so quickly Mike" I asked? "I always have a pack ready for hiking, you know me better than that Jess. For heaven's sake look what my parents own." "Right," I replied with sarcasm in my voice and a huge smile on my face as I backed the car up into the street and headed towards the trail head. A silent awkwardness fell between us during the drive. I was wondering what he was thinking about and I was still in shock that he was beside me. The freshly sprayed cologne mixed with his body musk filled the car. He smelled so good. I wanted to reach out and grab hold of his hand but, I refrained from doing so.

We reached the trail head and I parked the car. As I turned the ignition off Mike suddenly had so much to say. "I've been thinking about you for several days Jessica. I've missed you. Are you excited about starting our junior year? I'm a little bummed that summer's almost over. It seems like I haven't even had a summer. Mom's had me tied up at the store most of the time. It's all good; I've made bank!" I stopped him from saying another word. "Yes, I'm excited about school starting. I need to get out of the house and I defiantly want to meet the new kids. Have you seen Dr. Cullen's family yet?" I reached into the back of the car and grabbed my backpack, threw it over my shoulder, and slipped my arms through the straps. I watched Mike follow the same motions slinging his pack over his left shoulder and slipping his right arm through the strap. I grabbed my bottom lip and tugged on it gently as my mind took five. Mike's short sleeve rose up above his right shoulder revealing his biceps along with the rest of his arm. _"MMMMM, looks good"___I thought,___"And seems to be more muscular than I remembered in the past."___Each individual muscle was raised and defined**.**___"It must be the results from all those boxes he's been____lifting at the store._ _How was I going to make it through the day without spilling the beans about my feelings for him?"_ It didn't take long for Mike to notice that I just happened to be staring at his bare arm. I was so dazed and deep in thought that I nearly jumped a foot off the ground when Mike yelled, "JESSICA!" "What the hell Mike! Why'd you just yell my name? I'm right here!""Well Jessica, I was answering your question about the Cullen's and I noticed you weren't hearing me so I said your name like three times and you still didn't hear me" he said, "so I had to yell to get your attention. I didn't mean to scare you." "Oh! I'm sorry" I said. There's no way I could reveal my thoughts to him, so I just told him I was thinking about my dad and how I missed doing these things with him. It wasn't a total lie. I really did miss hiking with Joe. We always had the best times together. He seemed to understand and didn't catch onto the fact that I was drooling in my mind over his muscular development. "Well, lets hit the trail, I want to wade in the creek and see if we can find some cool stones for my dad." "I'd like to get some sun on my skin; that is, if you don't mind me lying out for a little while in my bathing suit."Mike nervously stumbled over his words as he replied back with, "ya…um…that'd be… um great...sounds like a plan Jess!

We started walking side by side. Occasionally we'd bump into each other because we were so close until we got on the trail and I took the lead."By the way; since you didn't hear me...the Cullen's have been in the store several times since they moved in. They look completely consummate and they're filthy stinking rich man! Not that I care about that. The more money they spend in our store the bigger my college funds get. So I'm just thinking…bring it! According to what my parents told me, Dr. Cullen and his wife Mrs. Cullen adopted _all_ of their children. What I don't get is that they all have a few things in common. I'm just a little confused by them. You'll see what I'm talking about when school starts and you get a good look at 'em." Mike defiantly spurred my curiosity about the Cullen's. "Humph, so what do you mean that they all have a few things in common" I said?"Well, for one, they all have very white skin and two, their eyes…they're a really strange color. Sometimes I think I've gone and lost my mind but, I could swear that on some days their eyes are almost as black as onyx and then other days their eyes are almost gold they're so yellow. I don't get it. All of them have the same eye color and the exact same color skin! What's up with that? I thought the kids were adopted!" Mike seemed pretty uneasy with them, the way he was talking about them but, I didn't care I wanted to see them for myself. Who knows maybe I'd like them and we'd have some new friends to hang out with. I liked Dr. Cullen, probably more than I should.

We didn't have to hike too far into the forest before we encountered the babbling creek I'd envisioned walking through bare foot yesterday morning. I heard it way before I saw it and it made me walk all that much faster. Mike was falling seriously behind and was relieved when I stopped and dropped my pack on the ground in the clearing. "Hey Mike, I've got to go pee so, if you don't mind could you turn around for a few minutes?""No not at all, I've got to go too so I'll just be over here." Well, at least we got that process started. Mike and I both knew about marking territory. This wasn't the first time we'd been hiking together.

After I'd finished and zipped my pants up, I practically ran to the closest bolder I could find and sat down on it. I started ripping my laces off the hooks of both my hiking boots at the same time. I got one boot off when Mike started in on me. "Jessica? Are you ok? What's the hurry? It's only 9 a.m. We have plenty of time to wade for awhile and lay out in the sun. We didn't have to run here and we certainly don't have to rush into the water like there is no tomorrow. What's going on? You didn't hear me speaking to you back at the car. I had to yell your name to get your attention. I was practically running trying to keep up with you on the hike up here, and now it's like you can't get into the water fast enough. Do you not want me here or something? You could have just said no when I asked if you wanted me to join you today."I sat on the bolder frozen by what I was hearing and my jaw fell open when he asked if I didn't want him here with me. _Does he really think I don't want him with me? Have I really been so stand offish_, I thought to myself? I had to let him know that it had nothing to do with me not wanting him here. There wasn't anything in the world I wanted more right now than to spend time alone with Mike and I had to get that point across to him some how without totally giving my secret affections for him away.

My mind went blank and for a few minutes. There was nothing but, silence. "Jess, did you hear what I just said to you?" "Yes Mike. I heard you. I didn't realize I was acting in such a way that you'd think that I didn't want you here with me. I haven't left the house in so long and I really want to get into the creek. It's not you Mike. I'm glad you're here with me. It's been a long time since I've seen you and the circumstances the last time we saw each other weren't the greatest."__"I remember. It's ok. I should have known better and not taken this personally. I'm sorry Jessica"Mike said. "I understand now, you don't have to say anything else if you don't want."I could not believe how wonderful this guy was and he was there with me on his own accord. I turned away from him as the tears started to well in my eyes, filling them to the point that they almost spilled over. I could feel my eyes and my nose swell and begin to turn red. _GET A GRIP ON YOUR SELF JESSICA__**,**_ I screamed inside my head! I swallowed the lump in my throat and fought back the tears. As soon as I felt the tears no longer pooling in my eyes and the redness in my face diminishing, I turned back toward him. Mike had already found a spot to sit down; he had his boots off, and was pulling his last sock off. By the look on his face, it looked as if he was kicking himself. I couldn't allow him to continue his train of thought. He didn't do anything wrong.

I ripped the other boot off my foot, pulled my socks off, and rolled my pants above my knees as quickly as I could. I got up and walked over to him feeling the cool grass on the bottom of my feet and blades of grass slipping between my toes. Mike looked up at me while he was rolling his pants above his knees. I smiled at him and stretched both of my hands out towards him, gesturing to help him up off the huge rock he was sitting on. He placed his big warm hands inside my palms and squeezed my hands ever so gently. His eyes never broke contact with mine as he smiled back at me. His beautiful white teeth sparkled in the sunlight. Bolts of loving energy shot through my hands, up my arms, and straight into my heart. It made me smile even bigger. I wasn't sure if Mike felt the same thing I'd just felt but, it didn't matter, he was smiling. As I leaned back and pulled him up off the rock and onto his feet, Mike pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me. I melted into his body and I could feel the tension in my muscles begin to release as he held me. I turned my face into his chest and inhaled, breathing in his scent. I thanked him for the hug and I went to pull away but, Mike's hold on me just got tighter. I placed my cheek back on his chest, relaxed back into his arms, and in return I wrapped my arms around his waste. As Mike held me; the thought of his kind words mixed with the overwhelming sadness inside, grabbed hold of me and I began sobbing uncontrollably. I clawed at the back of his shirt until my hands were full of the cotton t-shirt he was wearing. I didn't want to cry on him today. It made me feel week and out of control but, I couldn't help myself. Mike kissed my forehead and told me how sorry he was which only made me cry harder. My body was shaking at this point. "I wish I could tell you everything is going to be ok Jessica. I swear I'll always be here for you, no matter what." His reassurance and being held so tight in his arms made me feel better and slowly I was able to stop the flow of tears. I pulled my face back away from his chest and let go of the tight hold I had on him to wipe my face but, before I could raise my hand, Mike was already wiping the tears off the cheek that wasn't pressed up against his body. "I'm so sorry Mike! I didn't mean to break down on you. Now I've soaked your shirt" I said, sniffling. "It's ok Jessica. I don't care about my shirt. Besides, I'm going to drench you as soon as you're not looking when you least expect it!" I smiled and dried the tears from my eyes.Mike grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the creek. "Let's go find some crystals for Joe" he said with a huge grin on his face. I laughed at his playfulness and I was all for getting drenched by Mike! Summer was coming to an end and this was the last time I'd have a chance to enjoy a warm day like today with Mike before school started. We only had three more days left before school started.

The rest of the day was great. Mike and I found several pieces of pyrite. Some of them were as big as the palm of my hand. He found his opportunity to splash me and we ended up having a huge water fight. If there were animals anywhere in the vicinity of where we were, we definitely scared them off with all the yelling and laughing we were doing. Both of us were soaked from head to toe. After that, I spread the old quilt I had rolled up on the top of my back pack out on the grass. I was thankful that I wore my bathing suit. I was able to take my shirt and jeans off and hang them from a tree limb to dry in the sun. Mike took his shirt off and hung it up but, left his pants on. He needed the sun more than I did. We were putting our arms up to each other checking out who was darker than the other. His skin was pretty pale compared to mine. Mike and I conjured up quite an interesting conversation while we lay in the sun and waited for our clothes to dry. It had never been hard for us to talk. We could talk about anything for hours on end.

He asked if I was sure I didn't have any Quileute blood running threw my veins. I told him I didn't know but, I doubted it. Joe was dark complected even without being in the sun for long periods of time. My dad didn't know who his great, great grandfather was. No one did. His great, great grandmother Elizabeth moved here from Scotland and was seeing a man she never spoke of for a short period of time shortly after arriving here in Forks. The man disappeared before she knew she was pregnant with my great grandfather Joseph. It broke her heart and she was never with another man after that. From the stories I've heard, Elizabeth always thought he'd come back for her. She died before my Joseph's 16th birthday. She mourned herself to death. I told Mike no one really ever talks about it too. My dad was named after his great grandpa Joseph.

Before we knew it the sun was going down and we had to leave. Mike had to drive me home and call his dad to come and pick him up from my house. I was completely drained and fell asleep on the way home. Mike was unfortunately sunburned on both sides of his body because neither one of use thought to bring sun block. We went outside and sat on my front porch while we waited for his dad to arrive. "Thanks for going with me today" I said. Mike scoot over so close to me that the whole right side of his body was touching mine. He put his arm over my shoulders and pulled me into him for a sideways hug ever so gentle. I was careful to not lean into him to hard because he was burned so bad. He whispered into my ear, "You know you're my favorite girl Jessica." "I'd do anything for you." Then he kissed the top of my head. His dad pulled into the drive way and he grabbed his pack and started to walk toward the car. "I'll give you a call tomorrow, ok" Mike said? I shook my head yes. Then he was in the car and gone in a matter of seconds. I had so many mixed emotions running through me once he was gone. I was emotionally drained from crying so hard and yet at the same time my heart felt as if it would burst with love and excitement. I drug myself upstairs to my room barely acknowledging my parents and plopped across my bed. I had enough energy to get out of my pants, take my bra and socks off, and get under the sheets before I passed out. I wanted to make sure I never forgot this day. So far it's been one of the best days of my life.


	3. 3rd Entry

"_**Inside The Secret Journals of Jessica Stanley"**_

_**By Sophia Spring**_

**3****rd**** Entry**

It's about 10 p.m. here in Forks. That means I only have one more day before the new school year starts. I'm looking forward to it. I had to write again before going to bed for the night.

After my last entry I went back to sleep for a couple of hours. My mom woke me by knocking on my door. I threw my feather comforter off my shoulder, stretched, and turned towards my bedroom door, "Come in" I said in a raspy voice. Jenna walked in the door holding the phone in her right hand. She looked so tired and worn down. She's become so thin and frail. I know it wouldn't take much to break my mother and it's killing me to see her like this. "Sweet heart, Mike's on the phone for you" she said, as she handed the phone to me, then turned to walk out. "Hey Mike, hold on a minute, ok" as I pulled the phone away from my face and tucked it under the sheets? "Mom, wait I need to talk to you" I said before she had the door almost shut. She walked back towards my bed and sat down beside me. She placed her cool, frail hand on the side of my face then her thin fingers gently tucked a piece of hair back behind my ear. "What is it baby girl" Jenna asked? "Can you and I spend some time together today? I miss you mom and I need to talk to you." My mom's beauty is just exquisite and her good heart shines through the flesh making her all that more beautiful. I've always wished I had her red hair. "Sure honey" she said. "Is everything alright? Your eyes are swollen. Have you been crying?" "Yes and no" I said to both her questions "but, can I talk to you in a minute after I take this call? Please don't go any where yet." Mom told me she didn't have any plans to leave the house and she'd be downstairs in the kitchen when I was done talking on the phone. She leaned in and kissed my cheek then left my room.

"Sorry about that Mike. How are you today?" I asked him. I heard him moan a little before he spoke. "I'm pretty red. I couldn't go work at the store today. Your mom sounds better, how are you holding up?" I stretch my legs out feeling the cool, silkiness of my sheets glide underneath me and yawned in the phone. "Um, well I've been sleeping most of the day. My body is soar but, I'm ok. My skin is more tanned today than I expected" I said. I told Mike that my mom seemed to be having one of her good days and that I'd be spending my day with her. I rolled over onto my side as we talked for a few more minutes. I clung to my favorite feather pillow and had another king size pillow tucked in between my legs. I imagined it was him I was holding as I laid there and listened to his voice resonate through the phone, through my ear, and straight into my heart. My body ached for him and my imagination started to take flight but, I was brought back down to reality pretty quickly. Mike could ramble on about anything. He was quite the talker for a guy. I didn't care just as long as he was talking to me. Then Mike had to get off the phone. We said our goodbyes and my heart sank when I heard the phone go dead on the other end. It was obvious that he wasn't feeling all that well. I guess the sunburn was a lot worse than he had led on. It always looks and feels so much worse the next day and he said he was soar from yesterday's hike, which only compounded the pain he must have been feeling from the sunburn. I wished I could go over to his house and help him out. I wanted to be the one rubbing his back down with a healing ointment. I wanted to comfort him any way I could and lift his spirit. Hopefully he'd be feeling better soon. I bet Eric and Tyler razz him about it on the first day of school. Poor Mike. I felt like this was all my fault. How could I forget the damn sunscreen?

I sat up, swung my feet off the bed and walked to my dresser. I picked out the first pair of pajama pants that my finger tips touched and slid into them. They were my black fleece bottoms with Tinker Bell all over them. I looked up in the mirror at the reflection of myself. "_HOLY SHIT JESSICA" _I screamed in my head! I looked like a living nightmare! My hair was a huge rat's nest in the back that stood up in all directions. As I ran the brush through my matted hair I was wondering what I had done in my sleep to cause this. My eyes_ are _swollen! Gosh, I had no idea I'd cried that hard yesterday but, it certainly did show. It must be all the sleeping too. _ Where's the cucumber slices when I needed them?_ I couldn't stand at my dresser and dwell on my swollen eyes any longer now that I managed to detangle the nest. I had to pee like race horse and brush my funky breath. It tasted like the sandman took a dump in my mouth while he was pouring the sand in my eyes. _UUGGG!_ I wanted my mom right now but, first things first. I couldn't ignore my body so; I took a detour to my bathroom on my way down to the kitchen.

Jenna was standing at the island in the middle of the kitchen chopping veggies. I knew exactly what she was cooking; my favorite, home made chicken noodle soup. I walked up behind her, put my arms around her waist, and hid my face in her hair. Jenna's hair was always my favorite place to hide when I was a shy little girl. When she held me or slept with me I would twirl her soft hair around my fingers and dragged it across my face until I fell asleep. My soul screamed, "I have missed you mom" as I squeezed her tighter. The tears welled up in my eyes. I noticed when she put the knife down and turned around to face me that she was dressed in twilled hemp pants that were creased down the middle and her blouse was a thin, long sleeved, v neck with beautiful bead work around the collar. She bought it on her last trip to India. The color reminded me of Mike's baby blues. Jenna was classy looking even on her days off. "Awe honey what's going on" she asked? How could I possibly tell her everything that was on my mind? It hasn't been any easier for her then it's been for me. I couldn't bring myself to say anything except that I missed her terribly.

I offered to help her finish cutting up the veggies for the soup and while we both chopped away I told her about my day with Mike. She smiled off and on while I rambled on about all the little details of yesterday. She expressed that she was relieved that I didn't go hiking into the forest alone again. It was good to see her smiling again. I was beginning to forget what she looked like when she smiled and my eyes welcomed the beauty that radiated from her when there was a smile painted on her face. After we finished making the soup we made our way to the plush sofa and the coffee table in the family room which was on the opposite side of the counter that surrounded our kitchen. We both had a bowl filled to the top of chicken noodle soup. I ran back to the kitchen to grab some crackers and a couple of drinks for us. Mom waited patiently for my return before she began eating. I was starting to notice that she hardly ever ate without me since the depression started.

Jenna talked about work while we ate. This has always been intriguing conversation to me. She is one of the best attorneys in Forks, Washington and all the surrounding cities. The driving force for me to make straight A's all of my school years was sitting right beside me. I want to be just like her. It didn't matter where we went, everyone knew her, and she was respected and loved by many. Countless guilty men and women have been put behind bars because of her great ability to find and put real evidence in front of the judge and jury. She did everything in her power to make our streets safer to walk. Jenna followed in her daddy's footsteps and worked out of his law firm. Herbert; my poppy, was the first attorney that had earned the respect of all the people. I want to be the next family member to carry on what my poppy started long before I was conceived. My family is very wealthy and known not only for putting criminals behind bars but, for donating a lot of money to charities for those in need. Herbert and Jenna just recently started their own charity organization for disabled firemen and policemen that are injured while working. It also covers their families if they don't survive. I know I have what it takes to be just as good as them.

I turned the flat screen on while we were eating which ended up just being back ground noise while we caught up with each others lives and ate our soup. We had empty bowls and full bellies before we knew it. Jenna ended up curled up on the couch with her head in my lap. I ran my fingers through her hair and massaged her head. I could see the stress and worry leaving her face but, noticed the worry lines in between her eyebrows still remained. I started in on her eyebrows next, gently massaging the worry lines away and tracing her hair line of her eyebrows. I love my mom so much and I could see she was so exhausted and tense. "Mom do you want to get on the table" I asked? "Sure, I'd love that but, only if your up for it Jessica" Jenna replied. "I've had plenty of sleep and I'm totally up for giving you a massage today." We put our bowls in the sink and moved into my favorite room.

We had a room in our house dedicated to massage and other forms of therapy. It was the sun room. More that half the room was all windows and on each wall of glass hung different cut crystals so that on sunny days the room was filled with rainbows flickering all over the place. We had every essential oil you could think of so the room always smelled so delightful. Big chunks of clear quartz, rose quartz, citrine quartz, and other crystals filled the room from the floor almost all the way to the ceiling. Everything you laid your eyes on was a pleasing part of the Earths' creation and in the middle of it all was a purple massage table. Usually we had Chrissy out two or three times a week for these sessions but, I felt the need to be there for my mother today. I often worked on Joe since he's been home from the hospital but, any time I offered to give Jenna a massage she always said no. Her excuses were always that Chrissy would be the one to work on her or she'd already had a massage. Chrissy was a medicine woman from the Quileute Tribe and we embraced her as if she was apart of our family. Billy Black; one of Joe's best friends, had referred her to my mother not long after daddy was hospitalized.

I was pleased that I'd gotten a yes from her today. Now I had the chance to lay my hands on her. Five minutes into the session Jenna was in tears. Now I knew why she always chose to have Chrissy work on her. Jenna hated to cry in front of me. I never understood her reasoning behind this. I've always known she's human just like all the rest of us. I could feel the healing current running through my hands and into her body pushing out toxins that lay dormant inside her physical body. As my hands worked, massaging the threads of my mothers' tense muscles, I was getting glimpses of the first few days that changed all of our lives. I saw my mother in her office working. I saw her on the phone. At first she was ok, and then she went into hysterics. I saw her in the car outside of Mike's house and me running through the rain to get in. I saw a blurry picture of the private waiting room that we were in; me crying with my head in between my knees and Mike with his arm around my shoulders as I rocked back n forth, and then Dr Cullen's face up close. _My God he was so beautiful and his eyes were hypnotic_. I felt a tremendous sadness wash over me in that instant. Then I was looking at my father in the ICU unit wrapped from head to toe in bandages. A halo was screwed into his head in several places and it was braced to the bed making it impossible for him to move. I became nauseated by the sight. I saw myself with a mascara streaked face sleeping on the couch in the room. There were wires, I.V. bags, tubes, needles, blood seeping through bandages, dripping and beeping noises, a hose running from a machine that pumped air into my dad's lungs, nurses running every where, bags of blood hanging on poles, and Dr Cullen talking at me again. The sadness and despair grew stronger with each object or person I saw. Everything started blurring together. Colors began swirling all around me. The emotions I felt were beyond my control. I felt myself slipping away. The light in the room grew dimmer until the darkness swallowed me whole and nothing remained.


End file.
